Regrets..

Received a bad news from Lola last night about Jenny being admitted to the hospital due to appendicitis, oh dear, I hope she recovers well. I have no experience of such but I heard about how painful the recovering period is and I hope hers ain't too severe.

Being physically and mentally drained before, I'm feeling weak today, seen the doctor and claimed to be food poisoning, oh brother~ Not to mention, the time of month old symptoms (not even having it yet) and lightheaded. On top of it all, I would like to share my regrets about something so bad that I never wish it would fall upon someone, just right before my eyes.

Just as I came out from the clinic near my office (I was at work this morning but feeling not quite right after a while), I heard a loud bang, undoubtedly the sound of 2 cars knocking into each other. When my eyes meet the source of the sound, I saw a car at a parking slot, in a reversed position, with most of the back portion was already up to the divider. The woman in the car looks clueless, figuring it was embarassing that she could not even park properly, and still is after she got out of the car to check the damage of the car she knocked next to hers.

Something caught my eyes - a little figure underneath the car, to be exact, in between the driver's side tyre and the divider. The next thing I heard, a guy nearby shouted "Baby!" and that's when I confirmed myself that what I saw is true, it's a little girl! And that's also when the woman notice that it's her daughter (so I figured), she started screaming while I rush to car to see what I can help and other 8-10 men, they lift the car and someone move the little girl away from there.

My view was blocked by the men so I didn't see the condition of the little girl. I notice everyone was stunned and I quickly ran back to the clinic to ask them to call the ambulance and I was suggested to get someone to drive her straight to the hospital. I ran out and asked a man to get a car or if knows anyone who has a car nearby to help but all they ever said to me is that "She's not moving anymore and probably won't make it, that accident probably crush her skull". I ran back to the clinic trying to comprehend what to do next, the doctor was reporting the accident via phone, to the hospital I reckoned. I told her that I couldn't get any help, she kept asking me to find help cause the ambulance probably will take a while to arrive. I ran out again asking for help but all the people standing/ lingering around the area, about 5 of them are calling the ambulance, no one offers help. I was devastated and spiritually drained. I stood there as helplessly as the woman did, kneeling at the side of her daughter, crying and screaming away.

I walked away, back to the office few blocks away, feeling tired from my physical condition and numb from what I just encountered. I briefly told my boss what happened and I packed my stuff to head home to rest, that should already be 30mins after the encounter. I passed 1 street away from the accident site, the usual way to get out of my working area, and I saw that the ambulance just arrived.

I can't describe how I feel but I definitely regret for not being strong will enough to overcome the pain that I'm having and get my car to drive them to the hospital, the little girl could have been saved, 1 min makes a lot of difference whether the victim could make it, what's more 30mins.

When I got home, I finally able to nap to overcome the physical pain but I'm emotionally troubled by the accident that it's even playing in my head while I nap. I woke up in tears feeling worst than ever as though I'm in the woman's shoes, I should have, I could have.. I'm sorry. All I hope now that the little girl still has the chance to survive and I keep wondering what's her condition and the woman (the mother), she must feel.. devastated, that's even a word understated.

Not sure how well I can overcome this "trauma" and regrets.. Hoping for nothing else but the best for her..